( it takes a little while for bi'an to reply. he's thinking— about everything and nothing at all. thinking about how they cope similarly, and at the same time, so differently. )
People aren't contradictions. They simply haven't made a choice. A part of me wanted to live, as well. Rather, I felt like Wujiu wouldn't want me to die. Or maybe being alive would be the punishment I deserved. Living my days as a fleeting dream, without a goal, without a will. When spring came back, I'm sure I would have killed myself. I simply had an easier time making a choice, between living or dying.
[ the out away from his feelings is right here in the form of Bi’an talking about himself so he’s happy to ask questions to keep him going with that. ]
( you can't just use a man's depression in your own favor, yashiro. )
I wouldn't be able to bear the guilt. Fan Wujiu was a sweet, honest boy. He didn't deserve to die because of my own mistakes. Neither did I deserve to be the only one alive, nor did I wish to live in a world without him. The choice was clear, see? And so, I hung myself. Right there.
Is it not? This is the very umbrella I was meant to bring to him. When we died, our souls were imbued into it. And yes; now we are fated never to see each other again, while still being together. Dying wasn't entirely that bad.
"Dying wasn't entirely that bad," that's stupid Just say what you mean It sucks that you can't see each other and you're sad
[ And fragile, as Wujiu had put it. Yashiro can certainly see that now. ]
And, I dont know, get creative or something you're how many years old and you're still blaming yourself for this without doing anything? Write each other letters or something "Dearest Wujiu, today I was sad and I missed you, and also Yashiro was annoying." Done.
[ See, Bi'an's coping mechanisms might be getting violent and wanting to be hated, but Yashiro's is acting like a child and of course talking about sex so he's heading back to that. No surprises there really. ]
If you jerk off, can he feel it? Maybe you guys can enjoy that
( ok, well? yeah. it does 'suck', and yes, he is sad, but— this is what he deserves. it's fine! he'll just atone. when you're over a century old you usually opt for punishment rather than anything else. )
This is how it's supposed to be, Yashiro. It's my own punishment. Not once have I naively thought I would be able to talk with Wujiu again. Or rather, we cannot hold a conversation. We both know this is how we're meant to exist.
( they didn't exactly have time to write each other 'letters' back in the manor, after all. the suggestion comes at him almost as an insult, and he'd be lying if the idea didn't hurt. when was the last time he ever even saw wujiu's adorable calligraphy? )
He cannot. We would be a lot more careful at getting hurt if we could feel each other like that. Does that disappoint you?
You're an idiot. By "punishing" yourself, you're just punishing him in the process. Don't you think he would want to get something from you? By denying him, you're taking away something he wants, too.
And here I thought people were supposed to get wiser with age
[ children & umbrellas these days.... ]
I guess that makes sense Why would it disappoint me? You're the one who has to miss out I still get sex either way 🤍
( —something that actually catches him off guard. he knows that wujiu would want to talk to him, but... but it's just not, possible. at least it didn't use to be, back in that mysterious manor. they lead a much more casual life in lunatia, but still—
the idea of 'talking' to wujiu by any means is just... terrifying. )
I would have believed you to be someone who thinks that bedding someone who shares senses with another to be similar to bedding both at the same time. It is a thought that suits your reasoning.
( and just like that, he won't address that issue. fuck your logic, yashiro. )
[ Yeah, it's pretty transparent that he's ducking out on the trying to talk to Wujiu part, but Yashiro doesn't press it. His point has well been made -- he knows Bi'an will think about it now, whether or not he continues to say things.
He still needs to send those pictures to Wujiu also...hm... ]
Hahaha, look at you coming up with that on your own! I'm so proud :') But if there's not more than one dick it's just not the same Have you ever been fucked by multiple people at once? I don't know why I'm asking, you're too vanilla for that But it's really good
Ah now im horny again thats the whole reason I texted you in the first place!! You're supposed to be helping
Do you peg me as 'too vanilla', Yashiro? After the way I treat you? I am not wholly knowledgeable on specific sexual appeals, but I am rather curious to learn more. But you are right. I have not slept with multiple people at once, simply because I did not see the appeal for that.
( he did have wujiu, after all. what else would he need? )
Oh, do pardon me. Should I resume the depressive, melancholic talk? Will that help?
I much doubt such a thing can be used to describe me. You know of our condition, after all. My feelings matter little. I am a husk, after all. Empty and dry.
( wait. no depressing talk. )
I do not mind if you would rather not talk to me anymore, as I cannot help you.
( or rather, he just doesn't want to. sorry yashiro! )
Is there any reason as to why I would not be? You were the one under the influence of Iris. Though I'm sure you will find a replacement for me in no time.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Do you want to die?
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I’m a contradiction.
I want to live so I can spite everyone.
I want to die because it would just be easier.
I don’t really have ambitions of my own, but sometimes it feels like the most satisfying “fuck you” to do better than other people.
cw for more suicide talk.....
A part of me wanted to live, as well.
Rather, I felt like Wujiu wouldn't want me to die. Or maybe being alive would be the punishment I deserved.
Living my days as a fleeting dream, without a goal, without a will.
When spring came back, I'm sure I would have killed myself.
I simply had an easier time making a choice, between living or dying.
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[ the out away from his feelings is right here in the form of Bi’an talking about himself so he’s happy to ask questions to keep him going with that. ]
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I wouldn't be able to bear the guilt.
Fan Wujiu was a sweet, honest boy. He didn't deserve to die because of my own mistakes.
Neither did I deserve to be the only one alive, nor did I wish to live in a world without him.
The choice was clear, see?
And so, I hung myself. Right there.
I’m so sorry for Yashiro constantly
And now you’re an umbrella, unable to ever talk to each other.
That’s some melodramatic bullshit.
yashiro please. some delicacy, anyone....
This is the very umbrella I was meant to bring to him.
When we died, our souls were imbued into it.
And yes; now we are fated never to see each other again, while still being together.
Dying wasn't entirely that bad.
he has none, unfortunately....
Just say what you mean
It sucks that you can't see each other and you're sad
[ And fragile, as Wujiu had put it. Yashiro can certainly see that now. ]
And, I dont know, get creative or something you're how many years old and you're still blaming yourself for this without doing anything?
Write each other letters or something
"Dearest Wujiu, today I was sad and I missed you, and also Yashiro was annoying."
Done.
[ See, Bi'an's coping mechanisms might be getting violent and wanting to be hated, but Yashiro's is acting like a child and of course talking about sex so he's heading back to that. No surprises there really. ]
If you jerk off, can he feel it? Maybe you guys can enjoy that
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This is how it's supposed to be, Yashiro. It's my own punishment.
Not once have I naively thought I would be able to talk with Wujiu again. Or rather, we cannot hold a conversation.
We both know this is how we're meant to exist.
( they didn't exactly have time to write each other 'letters' back in the manor, after all. the suggestion comes at him almost as an insult, and he'd be lying if the idea didn't hurt. when was the last time he ever even saw wujiu's adorable calligraphy? )
He cannot. We would be a lot more careful at getting hurt if we could feel each other like that.
Does that disappoint you?
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Don't you think he would want to get something from you? By denying him, you're taking away something he wants, too.
And here I thought people were supposed to get wiser with age
[ children & umbrellas these days.... ]
I guess that makes sense
Why would it disappoint me? You're the one who has to miss out
I still get sex either way 🤍
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( —something that actually catches him off guard. he knows that wujiu would want to talk to him, but... but it's just not, possible. at least it didn't use to be, back in that mysterious manor. they lead a much more casual life in lunatia, but still—
the idea of 'talking' to wujiu by any means is just... terrifying. )
I would have believed you to be someone who thinks that bedding someone who shares senses with another to be similar to bedding both at the same time.
It is a thought that suits your reasoning.
( and just like that, he won't address that issue. fuck your logic, yashiro. )
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He still needs to send those pictures to Wujiu also...hm... ]
Hahaha, look at you coming up with that on your own!
I'm so proud :')
But if there's not more than one dick it's just not the same
Have you ever been fucked by multiple people at once?
I don't know why I'm asking, you're too vanilla for that
But it's really good
Ah
now im horny again
thats the whole reason I texted you in the first place!! You're supposed to be helping
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I am not wholly knowledgeable on specific sexual appeals, but I am rather curious to learn more.
But you are right. I have not slept with multiple people at once, simply because I did not see the appeal for that.
( he did have wujiu, after all. what else would he need? )
Oh, do pardon me.
Should I resume the depressive, melancholic talk? Will that help?
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It's easy to forget when you're out here being such a romantic
[ Being all grossly in love with Wujiu ]
Dont
I've met my quota for today and ill stop texting back
[ Will he tho... ]
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You know of our condition, after all. My feelings matter little.
I am a husk, after all. Empty and dry.
( wait. no depressing talk. )
I do not mind if you would rather not talk to me anymore, as I cannot help you.
( or rather, he just doesn't want to. sorry yashiro! )
Are you going to be well by yourself?
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[ He's like a child who has broken a toy and now is mad that it doesn't work. ]
Am I going to be well??
Are you?
[ ugh...iris making him care ....definitely just iris ]
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Is there any reason as to why I would not be?
You were the one under the influence of Iris.
Though I'm sure you will find a replacement for me in no time.
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