( well— yashiro was on point with that, at least. is his taste so easy to read? )
The gift of lying doesn't work as well when all you have to do is write words, Yashiro. I can't read you as well. But I suppose I have no reason to doubt you.
( maybe he's just... a little bit disappointed. the feeling lingers weirdly on his chest. it's not something he's wholly used to. )
Not feeling like going outside to ask strangers to suck them off today?
[ How ironic, Yashiro gets a weird feeling in his chest too, reading his text. That's probably nothing! It's fine! ]
It didn't work as well as you'd think! I mean, obviously it worked out with you (+Fan-san) but not everyone was as fun as you guys. Still, I'll probably go out later. I gotta find someone to have fun with.
[ Actually as we all know he's going to leave to go help a scared religious man overcome Iris problems, but that's a story for a different time.
And he's still...hung up on Bi'an saying he has no reason to doubt him?? Why does he care this much. Stupid Iris! Stupid feelings! ]
Im
[ Yashiro takes back everything nice he said about Iris, all of it. Feelings suck. ]
Sometimes people lie for good reasons, not bad ones. Sometimes lies are just easier to deal with For everyone
Edited (i was too conversational and i forgot to have him be polite i promise im done editing this now) 2020-06-14 06:44 (UTC)
two grown men experience feelings, rate them 0/10, would not feel again
it's— unexpected. all of this. wu chang has grown used to being by themselves; having one another, while still being so, so alone. even towards the other hunters, towards the ripper, the photographer, the geisha— even towards all of them, they didn't have... this. whatever this is.
'friendship'. they were strangers bound together by the same goal. coworkers, almost.
but to care for another, to have someone else inflict in him emotions that only his counterpart was ever able to... bi'an squints, and disapproves of all of it.
maybe iris really is dangerous. )
I am well aware. Lying isn't a breach of trust. Sometimes, lying is all you can do, a means to protect. To protect yourself, or to protect those around you. Are you fond of lying, Yashiro?
Local Men Shake Fists At Moons, Decrying Gift Of Feeling
[ At least, the flipside to feeling such dread is relief. The other side of an unwelcome coin. And the relief he feels, when Bi'an tells him that it isn't a breach of trust is welcome indeed. That Bi'an seems to understand him is even better still. ]
I dont like pity
[ He wants to leave it at that, without saying more. Without being open. But the pull of Iris to be more affectionate, more gentle...it makes him want to continue and not just leave it at that. Because while it's true, it's also callous, and there's far more that he could -- and should -- say. ]
The truth hurts people. I've seen it. It hurts them in ways that it doesn't hurt me, even when it is something personal. There's no reason that someone should have to feel so strongly about something they didn't experience when I wouldnt have done the same
[ With how vague he's being, it might not make much sense. And he's sort of aware of that. But he's torn between wanting to say nothing, and wanting to be open, and it leaves him in a strange middle ground. ]
I guess I cant protect myself from the truth, because it already happened to me But I can protect others from having to deal with it
he's well aware of that. the truth, as it is, had hurt him. the truth had led him to hang himself, take his own life. the truth, as it is, haunts him to this day. an endless rain.
would he have preferred to be lied to?
no.
he doesn't like pity, either. not for a moment xie bi'an thinks he would have been able to live in sheer loneliness and heavy suffering due to the pity of others, people who don't even— know him. at all.
wujiu would've lied to him, he thinks. it wasn't your fault, he'd say. you don't have to blame yourself. they're lies, lies to protect him. he understands all of this too well.
they're both similar men. )
You're haunted by an endless rain as well. I can't help but wonder if it's a storm like mine.
( for a moment, bi'an wonders if yashiro uses all that affection towards being hurt as his own punishment. as a means to cope.
that, too, the white guard understands well. )
We are similar people. Maybe it's the sole reason we get along well.
[ Well. Yashiro is no longer as horny as when he originally texted Bi'an, so I guess, in a way, mission accomplished. But like, for all the wrong reasons. ]
I'm not haunted by it It's just something that happened Bad things happen to people all the time
Oh, I do apologize. Should I have included your affections towards my appearance and abilities in courting you as two of the reasons?
( so superficial, yashiro. )
Indeed. However, sometimes these 'bad things' leave more than a bad memory behind. Sometimes, they leave scars. And other times, they take your will to remain alive.
( it takes a little while for bi'an to reply. he's thinking— about everything and nothing at all. thinking about how they cope similarly, and at the same time, so differently. )
People aren't contradictions. They simply haven't made a choice. A part of me wanted to live, as well. Rather, I felt like Wujiu wouldn't want me to die. Or maybe being alive would be the punishment I deserved. Living my days as a fleeting dream, without a goal, without a will. When spring came back, I'm sure I would have killed myself. I simply had an easier time making a choice, between living or dying.
[ the out away from his feelings is right here in the form of Bi’an talking about himself so he’s happy to ask questions to keep him going with that. ]
( you can't just use a man's depression in your own favor, yashiro. )
I wouldn't be able to bear the guilt. Fan Wujiu was a sweet, honest boy. He didn't deserve to die because of my own mistakes. Neither did I deserve to be the only one alive, nor did I wish to live in a world without him. The choice was clear, see? And so, I hung myself. Right there.
Is it not? This is the very umbrella I was meant to bring to him. When we died, our souls were imbued into it. And yes; now we are fated never to see each other again, while still being together. Dying wasn't entirely that bad.
"Dying wasn't entirely that bad," that's stupid Just say what you mean It sucks that you can't see each other and you're sad
[ And fragile, as Wujiu had put it. Yashiro can certainly see that now. ]
And, I dont know, get creative or something you're how many years old and you're still blaming yourself for this without doing anything? Write each other letters or something "Dearest Wujiu, today I was sad and I missed you, and also Yashiro was annoying." Done.
[ See, Bi'an's coping mechanisms might be getting violent and wanting to be hated, but Yashiro's is acting like a child and of course talking about sex so he's heading back to that. No surprises there really. ]
If you jerk off, can he feel it? Maybe you guys can enjoy that
( ok, well? yeah. it does 'suck', and yes, he is sad, but— this is what he deserves. it's fine! he'll just atone. when you're over a century old you usually opt for punishment rather than anything else. )
This is how it's supposed to be, Yashiro. It's my own punishment. Not once have I naively thought I would be able to talk with Wujiu again. Or rather, we cannot hold a conversation. We both know this is how we're meant to exist.
( they didn't exactly have time to write each other 'letters' back in the manor, after all. the suggestion comes at him almost as an insult, and he'd be lying if the idea didn't hurt. when was the last time he ever even saw wujiu's adorable calligraphy? )
He cannot. We would be a lot more careful at getting hurt if we could feel each other like that. Does that disappoint you?
You're an idiot. By "punishing" yourself, you're just punishing him in the process. Don't you think he would want to get something from you? By denying him, you're taking away something he wants, too.
And here I thought people were supposed to get wiser with age
[ children & umbrellas these days.... ]
I guess that makes sense Why would it disappoint me? You're the one who has to miss out I still get sex either way 🤍
( —something that actually catches him off guard. he knows that wujiu would want to talk to him, but... but it's just not, possible. at least it didn't use to be, back in that mysterious manor. they lead a much more casual life in lunatia, but still—
the idea of 'talking' to wujiu by any means is just... terrifying. )
I would have believed you to be someone who thinks that bedding someone who shares senses with another to be similar to bedding both at the same time. It is a thought that suits your reasoning.
( and just like that, he won't address that issue. fuck your logic, yashiro. )
[ Yeah, it's pretty transparent that he's ducking out on the trying to talk to Wujiu part, but Yashiro doesn't press it. His point has well been made -- he knows Bi'an will think about it now, whether or not he continues to say things.
He still needs to send those pictures to Wujiu also...hm... ]
Hahaha, look at you coming up with that on your own! I'm so proud :') But if there's not more than one dick it's just not the same Have you ever been fucked by multiple people at once? I don't know why I'm asking, you're too vanilla for that But it's really good
Ah now im horny again thats the whole reason I texted you in the first place!! You're supposed to be helping
Do you peg me as 'too vanilla', Yashiro? After the way I treat you? I am not wholly knowledgeable on specific sexual appeals, but I am rather curious to learn more. But you are right. I have not slept with multiple people at once, simply because I did not see the appeal for that.
( he did have wujiu, after all. what else would he need? )
Oh, do pardon me. Should I resume the depressive, melancholic talk? Will that help?
I much doubt such a thing can be used to describe me. You know of our condition, after all. My feelings matter little. I am a husk, after all. Empty and dry.
( wait. no depressing talk. )
I do not mind if you would rather not talk to me anymore, as I cannot help you.
( or rather, he just doesn't want to. sorry yashiro! )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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The gift of lying doesn't work as well when all you have to do is write words, Yashiro.
I can't read you as well.
But I suppose I have no reason to doubt you.
( maybe he's just... a little bit disappointed. the feeling lingers weirdly on his chest. it's not something he's wholly used to. )
Not feeling like going outside to ask strangers to suck them off today?
no subject
It didn't work as well as you'd think! I mean, obviously it worked out with you (+Fan-san) but not everyone was as fun as you guys.
Still, I'll probably go out later. I gotta find someone to have fun with.
[ Actually as we all know he's going to leave to go help a scared religious man overcome Iris problems, but that's a story for a different time.
And he's still...hung up on Bi'an saying he has no reason to doubt him?? Why does he care this much. Stupid Iris! Stupid feelings! ]
Im
[ Yashiro takes back everything nice he said about Iris, all of it. Feelings suck. ]
Sometimes people lie for good reasons, not bad ones.
Sometimes lies are just
easier to deal with
For everyone
two grown men experience feelings, rate them 0/10, would not feel again
it's— unexpected. all of this. wu chang has grown used to being by themselves; having one another, while still being so, so alone. even towards the other hunters, towards the ripper, the photographer, the geisha— even towards all of them, they didn't have... this. whatever this is.
'friendship'. they were strangers bound together by the same goal. coworkers, almost.
but to care for another, to have someone else inflict in him emotions that only his counterpart was ever able to... bi'an squints, and disapproves of all of it.
maybe iris really is dangerous. )
I am well aware.
Lying isn't a breach of trust. Sometimes, lying is all you can do, a means to protect.
To protect yourself, or to protect those around you.
Are you fond of lying, Yashiro?
Local Men Shake Fists At Moons, Decrying Gift Of Feeling
I dont like pity
[ He wants to leave it at that, without saying more. Without being open. But the pull of Iris to be more affectionate, more gentle...it makes him want to continue and not just leave it at that. Because while it's true, it's also callous, and there's far more that he could -- and should -- say. ]
The truth hurts people. I've seen it. It hurts them in ways that it doesn't hurt me, even when it is something personal.
There's no reason that someone should have to feel so strongly about something they didn't experience when I wouldnt have done the same
[ With how vague he's being, it might not make much sense. And he's sort of aware of that. But he's torn between wanting to say nothing, and wanting to be open, and it leaves him in a strange middle ground. ]
I guess
I cant protect myself from the truth, because it already happened to me
But I can protect others from having to deal with it
cw for suicide mention whoops...
he's well aware of that. the truth, as it is, had hurt him. the truth had led him to hang himself, take his own life. the truth, as it is, haunts him to this day. an endless rain.
would he have preferred to be lied to?
no.
he doesn't like pity, either. not for a moment xie bi'an thinks he would have been able to live in sheer loneliness and heavy suffering due to the pity of others, people who don't even— know him. at all.
wujiu would've lied to him, he thinks. it wasn't your fault, he'd say. you don't have to blame yourself. they're lies, lies to protect him. he understands all of this too well.
they're both similar men. )
You're haunted by an endless rain as well.
I can't help but wonder if it's a storm like mine.
( for a moment, bi'an wonders if yashiro uses all that affection towards being hurt as his own punishment. as a means to cope.
that, too, the white guard understands well. )
We are similar people.
Maybe it's the sole reason we get along well.
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[ Well. Yashiro is no longer as horny as when he originally texted Bi'an, so I guess, in a way, mission accomplished. But like, for all the wrong reasons. ]
I'm not haunted by it
It's just something that happened
Bad things happen to people all the time
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( so superficial, yashiro. )
Indeed.
However, sometimes these 'bad things' leave more than a bad memory behind.
Sometimes, they leave scars.
And other times, they take your will to remain alive.
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[ He jokes, but also...they're friends, aren't they? for more reasons than just whatever happened in their pasts.
Which...Bi'an apparently wants to keep talking about, much to Yashiro's discomfort. ]
Well, as it turns out, I'm too stubborn to die.
Kind of counterintuitive, isn't it?
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( yes, they are bad reasons.
also, why would he deny such an enjoyable time talking about how sad he is? )
You're stronger than I am.
I suppose the demons that haunt you have taken a liking to you.
Well, seeing as I have as well, I'm not surprised.
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I just can’t seem to die. Someone tried before I got here and couldn’t manage it. That’s how it always is.
I’m not good at the whole feelings part
I didn’t have time to grow any.
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Do you want to die?
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I’m a contradiction.
I want to live so I can spite everyone.
I want to die because it would just be easier.
I don’t really have ambitions of my own, but sometimes it feels like the most satisfying “fuck you” to do better than other people.
cw for more suicide talk.....
A part of me wanted to live, as well.
Rather, I felt like Wujiu wouldn't want me to die. Or maybe being alive would be the punishment I deserved.
Living my days as a fleeting dream, without a goal, without a will.
When spring came back, I'm sure I would have killed myself.
I simply had an easier time making a choice, between living or dying.
no subject
[ the out away from his feelings is right here in the form of Bi’an talking about himself so he’s happy to ask questions to keep him going with that. ]
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I wouldn't be able to bear the guilt.
Fan Wujiu was a sweet, honest boy. He didn't deserve to die because of my own mistakes.
Neither did I deserve to be the only one alive, nor did I wish to live in a world without him.
The choice was clear, see?
And so, I hung myself. Right there.
I’m so sorry for Yashiro constantly
And now you’re an umbrella, unable to ever talk to each other.
That’s some melodramatic bullshit.
yashiro please. some delicacy, anyone....
This is the very umbrella I was meant to bring to him.
When we died, our souls were imbued into it.
And yes; now we are fated never to see each other again, while still being together.
Dying wasn't entirely that bad.
he has none, unfortunately....
Just say what you mean
It sucks that you can't see each other and you're sad
[ And fragile, as Wujiu had put it. Yashiro can certainly see that now. ]
And, I dont know, get creative or something you're how many years old and you're still blaming yourself for this without doing anything?
Write each other letters or something
"Dearest Wujiu, today I was sad and I missed you, and also Yashiro was annoying."
Done.
[ See, Bi'an's coping mechanisms might be getting violent and wanting to be hated, but Yashiro's is acting like a child and of course talking about sex so he's heading back to that. No surprises there really. ]
If you jerk off, can he feel it? Maybe you guys can enjoy that
no subject
This is how it's supposed to be, Yashiro. It's my own punishment.
Not once have I naively thought I would be able to talk with Wujiu again. Or rather, we cannot hold a conversation.
We both know this is how we're meant to exist.
( they didn't exactly have time to write each other 'letters' back in the manor, after all. the suggestion comes at him almost as an insult, and he'd be lying if the idea didn't hurt. when was the last time he ever even saw wujiu's adorable calligraphy? )
He cannot. We would be a lot more careful at getting hurt if we could feel each other like that.
Does that disappoint you?
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Don't you think he would want to get something from you? By denying him, you're taking away something he wants, too.
And here I thought people were supposed to get wiser with age
[ children & umbrellas these days.... ]
I guess that makes sense
Why would it disappoint me? You're the one who has to miss out
I still get sex either way 🤍
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( —something that actually catches him off guard. he knows that wujiu would want to talk to him, but... but it's just not, possible. at least it didn't use to be, back in that mysterious manor. they lead a much more casual life in lunatia, but still—
the idea of 'talking' to wujiu by any means is just... terrifying. )
I would have believed you to be someone who thinks that bedding someone who shares senses with another to be similar to bedding both at the same time.
It is a thought that suits your reasoning.
( and just like that, he won't address that issue. fuck your logic, yashiro. )
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He still needs to send those pictures to Wujiu also...hm... ]
Hahaha, look at you coming up with that on your own!
I'm so proud :')
But if there's not more than one dick it's just not the same
Have you ever been fucked by multiple people at once?
I don't know why I'm asking, you're too vanilla for that
But it's really good
Ah
now im horny again
thats the whole reason I texted you in the first place!! You're supposed to be helping
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I am not wholly knowledgeable on specific sexual appeals, but I am rather curious to learn more.
But you are right. I have not slept with multiple people at once, simply because I did not see the appeal for that.
( he did have wujiu, after all. what else would he need? )
Oh, do pardon me.
Should I resume the depressive, melancholic talk? Will that help?
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It's easy to forget when you're out here being such a romantic
[ Being all grossly in love with Wujiu ]
Dont
I've met my quota for today and ill stop texting back
[ Will he tho... ]
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You know of our condition, after all. My feelings matter little.
I am a husk, after all. Empty and dry.
( wait. no depressing talk. )
I do not mind if you would rather not talk to me anymore, as I cannot help you.
( or rather, he just doesn't want to. sorry yashiro! )
Are you going to be well by yourself?
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